I Am Dedicating Myself to the Moment

I am guilty as hell for saying things like "when I lose x amount of pounds or when I achieve this thing I will finally be happy". So here I am dedicating myself to being happy in this moment.

In the past year the list of things that I have been waiting for to finally be able to settle down and be happy has been a huge one. Hell the past few years that list has been long. I wanted to achieve my dream body, get married, do something that fuels me creatively, have a baby, buy a house. All these things that I would tell myself, “after this I’ll be happy”. Well that list is complete and now I find myself sitting here thinking: “Now what do I want to be happy??”.

I have achieved so many incredible things in this past year. We moved across country, again. I had a fucking baby. This is my reminder to myself that now we soak it all in. Society makes us think that life is about moving forward, working hard and accomplishing goals. Well for some maybe that is true, but for me, life is about peace, stillness, and embracing each moment. Though often I feel myself giving into the social norms of “go go go” and get hard on myself for not doing “enough”. What is enough? What is my enough, may be the better question.

I have proved to myself that I can do all the things I want. I manifest with the best of them and bring so much abundance into my life. I trust the universe and the law of attraction. I know if I wanted to I could keep adding more and more into my life. But the truth is I don’t want to. I don’t want to keep needing. I am not someone who was out here to keep running to the next thing.

What I want is much more simple really. I want to rest and enjoy every second of every minute of everyday. I have the most beautiful home with the most incredible husband who does nothing but love and support me. We created the most incredible love child who fills my days with wonder and merriment. We are financially abundant and I have this peace of mind that I know we always will be. And more so if we ever aren’t, we will be okay because we have each other. I have all that I need to have a beautiful life full of peace and creating, which is all I have ever wanted.

So here I am, dedicating myself to just that. I am giving up manifesting anything other that bliss each day and continued love and abundance for my family and I. I am refocusing strictly on my health- mental, physical, and spiritual. I am committing fully to raising my daughter with the love and patience that I needed as a child. To showing her how to be true to herself by allowing all of her to shine through. I am diving back into my reiki practice, not for financial gain, but to heal the energy of the world as well as nurture my connection to source. Most importantly I am dedicating myself to this right here. To writing and following my dreams. To sharing myself, even the ugly parts, even if it seems like no one cares. This is for me. This is my healing.