For the First Time This Year, We Plan
Now, we will stick to the plans that we make? That is anyone's guess.
I was driving to go thrifting this morning with the baby and I was feeling that “Oh my god I haven’t written in forever all of my fans must be on the edge of their seat waiting to hear what I am up to” then of course, I came to my senses and remembered I am not, in fact, Carrie Bradshaw. Though I do think I resonate more with a Jenna Rink type, the main gal from “13 Going on 30”. Which checks as a metaphor for this piece as we are currently 7 days, wow a week, away from me turning 30. **queue up Bo Burnham’s: “30”**
I feel like I should feel more about this monumental life event. When I think about it, I feel excited! Last year I was thinking I would spend my 30th in Costa Rica maybe. I wanted to see monkeys. And hey, maybe that’ll be 31, but this year I am keeping it much more low key. I could not be happier about that.
A small intimate dinner with a couple of friends, and baby of course. It’ll be a joint celebration for my 30th and my friend, E’s 25th. They love to decorate and plan, my idol for the year. It’s a bit of a secret, but someday we will be business partners and take over our small Ohio town. It’s going to be amazing.
The Business Plan
Check it, I keep changing evolving my plan to provide for my community, I know I am sorry. Imagine how confused my mother must be…yikes I am dreading that convo. I was doing some research and sadly my original plan for starting my own respite care business isn’t really possible right now. Unfortunately, is an LPN I can’t practice on my own, makes sense. So, I’d have to go back to school and…I cannot do that right now. I am still working through nightmares of almost failing high school because of forgetting a paper, school isn’t what I need. I am a school of life person, for life.
I am already a reiki practitioner though. And I am enrolled in a meditation course. And I could start my own business, a wellness business that I get to charge as little as I want because my business expenses will be minimal doing distance sessions. I can make a difference, and a some supplemental income to help my family in this capitalistic doom we exist in. I can do it different though, I don’t have to be so suck-a-cock-money-bags.
And, I can connect with people through my other community connections that I can help in a hands on way. I can do under the table care and support caregivers in other ways. I can be an advocate for them. I can help people be an advocate for themselves! I am not be able to assert myself, but I can sure as hell assert someone else.
So I am working on developing a business plan. My very first ever, if you hadn’t guessed. It’s a work in progress so I am not going to divulge that just yet, but I will let you all in on a different secret. My business name!
~ Healing from Within ~
I really want the focus to be on helping individuals find their inner, personal power. Like I was able to. I am still learning though, I would never claim to be perfect you know. We can learn together, support each other. It’ll be beautiful. Maybe someday it’ll grow to have its own community.
How magical that would be, a community of people empowering each other to help themselves feel empowered. I would love to have it be a free and open community too. I hate seeing things blocked by pay walls. I feel like to an extent, if we want to help each other grow we have to be accessible to all.
I think that is part of the reason I have struggled to put myself into this position though. This cross section of my spiritual connection to source and … capitalism bullshit.
I will be in control though. I can be in charge. I can do a sliding scale and…I can keep it simple silly.
I’m not here to teach, simply heal.
Planning for Garden Time
It is January twenty-fourth and I have completed my vegetable and floral seed lists. I have already begun gathering materials. Maps are being drawn. Dream plots being imagined.
Big things are coming to the farm.
Firstly, a larger pumpkin patch. I want so many pumpkins. I have no idea the reason, someday I am sure it will hit me, but pumpkins were incredibly satisfying to grow. Perhaps it’s the color. The color change to be specific. Like giant fall leaf gourds. I am infatuated. I bought seven different varieties.
My huge goal for this garden season is to save my seeds so that I can use them next year. Maybe someday, I could share them.
I have been listening to this podcast “Seeds and Their Friends” by this couple in Philly who work in agriculture. It is not only the most wholesome thing I have ever listened to, it is also incredibly educational and inspiring. If you want to fall in love in one episode I highly recommend: Ep. 4 “Rufus and Damalda Newsome and Newsome Community Farms, Greenville, MS”. It is a conversation that takes place between a family, largely at the kitchen table while they prepare a Christmas dinner.
Listening to a black family in Mississippi whose history is largely marked by slavery, as a white woman, was…invaluable. The perspectives were ones I would not, could not imagine. I feel like it was a gift for them to have shared this intimate conversation with the world. Like it was too beautiful to be called a podcast episode, it was art. Not only did they speak of slavery and its direct impact on their lives, they also spoke of how they turned this complex past into a deep love for the earth, it’s soil, seed and what that provides for us. What it can provide for us.
Another episode had a guest, Ira Wallace, who said something that has stuck with me since I listened to it weeks ago. I have it written and pasted on my wall in front of my desk, though I had forgotten who said it when I wrote the post-it.
“Every time you give a seed, you give the possibility of liberation.”
~Ira Wallace~
That just seemed like too beautiful a thing to throw away, so be prepared to start receiving seeds from me, fam.
Mostly, I am just excited to feel that dirt jam under my nails again. I am ready to spend my evenings sweating and swatting at bugs while I hoe around my garden, dressed like an absolute hoe. Thank goodness for my isolation…besides the Amish but I think we are cool now.
I am also excited to share. I could bring some stuff to church every week maybe. Or put it in those boxes in town for the homeless. I had always just done canned goods, but maybe in the summer I could get one of those styrofoam coolers and fill it with veggies…maybe another plan to write up? Eh??
Me Plan
As for me and being thirty, I am finished…explaining, proving…justifying who I am, and if that is worth being. I am doing what I do.
I am writing. I am hoping by the end of this decade to have started my young adult series of mystery novels. I am here doing this blog and I will be starting to share the podcast very soon, perhaps in exactly a week…since that just so happens to be how long away my birthday is? The universe does work in mysterious ways with those synchronicities, huh?
Beyond my writing and sharing, I am a full and committed member of my community. A tax paying, business owning (soon), land owning (ew I hate that term so much) citizen! I am going to continue to be vocal in my communities, far and wide.
I am building this weird small church community of my neighbors that I never in a million years expected to be a part of. I am also, stepping into a larger community. I joined the PSL, Party for Socialism and Liberation. Tomorrow is the first rally I will get to attend and I am so nervous. Not about safety or anything like that, I am so nervous about…acceptance. Which seems insane, I know. I just want to…help. I get nervous when I am new at things and I don’t know what I am doing. That is what going to a rally feels like to me. I am just new and I don’t want to mess up.
So, I am making a plan. Duh.
Water. Extra water. A check-in/safe place with a friend in Cleveland. Pepper spray. Face mask. Hat, gloves, winter stuff. I am going to make a poster tonight. Talked to my spouse about worst case, needing bail, we are set. Maps, screen shotted and saved. Addresses shared. Phone charger and back up.
I am ready to be a person and one who stands up. Speaks up.
So, send me some brave vibes, cause I am still scared.
As always, thank you for being here and reading my piece. Your support is something I truly cannot express how grateful I am for. Same goes for your existence in this world, friend.
Speaking of this world, it is on fire. In more places than one. Below I will be linking some different GoFundMe’s for our friends near and far in need of assistance and links for your own resources.
Stay safe, stay brave, keep your neighbors safe.
GoFundMe for Wafa and Her Family in Gaza
GoFundMe for Munir and Her Family in Gaza
GoFundMe for Hany and His Family in Gaza
GoFundMe to Help with Fadi's Son's Medical Expenses
GoFundMe for Mohammed and His Family in Gaza
GoFundMe for Bsmala and Her Family in Gaza
GoFundMe to Help Aya and Her Family in Gaza
Operation Olive Branch: One-Click Email Campaign
Planned Parenthood Abortion Access
Find Your Congress Members and CALL/EMAIL