A Clue to the Location of Peace
It has been some time since I wrote. I apologize I have been having a time of deep contemplation and peaceful reflection and it has shown me my next step...
Breathe.
Probably the thought that running through my mind the most these days. I use to hate it when people would say “Just breathe”, but I am a person who is not to big to admit when they are wrong. And I was wrong. Breathing. Helps. Everything.
My hiatus has not been due to a lack of motivation. Well, a lack of motivation to write, yes, but my motivation to think has never been this empowered. It is no secret that this fall of 2023 has been, from the view of humanity as a whole, horrific. The light has been shined on the atrocities being committed in the Middle East. To me this clear view of the wrong in this world was too startling to move passed.
When this particular conflict began and our screens were flooded with images of humans being slaughtered, I felt a shift within me.
*Now I want to take a moment here to emphasize that I am in no way trying to making this about me, or to take attention away from the people of Palestine in this time. Their time. I am not trying to whitewash or diminish the experiences of the people who are being directly impacted. I am simply trying to share my perspective as a human in the world also being impacted, as well as highlight other ways to educate oneself while sharing why it is so important to do so. I know for some the comparison of this instance of senseless violence to other similar ones is hurtful because pain cannot be compared. I am not aiming to compare, I am aiming to express the sentiment that events like this are the catalyst for change in people who are unwilling to allow society to continue this pattern in silence.*
The genocide in Palestine woke me up. Woke me up from a sleep I should have awoken from a long time ago. A sleep I think a lot of humanity is still under the influence of.
I remember very vividly being in school and learning about the Holocaust. It fascinated me. I of course was heartbroken at the prospect of killing a bunch of innocent civilians. I knew it was wrong, and I knew I would never sit by while it happened. And then I did the worst thing a person can do. I made an ass out of “you and me”.
I assumed that I would have had the courage to stand up, and then allowed myself to become complacent in the fact that it was over and would never happen again. I figured this battle was fought and it was so clearly black and white that this problem could never arise again. Nazis=bad. What question is there to that?
Fast forward to 4th of July 2022. I am walking on the beach in San Diego with my husband when he becomes visibly uncomfortable. I ask him what’s wrong and he tells me that he just saw a man wearing a “nazi t-shirt”. Now, as I said before, I thought this was finished. Hell, even with all that the election of Trump brought to this country I never really truly thought there were Nazis. or at least no Nazis in broad daylight, flaunting their nazi-ness. Especially not in Southern California. I knew there was hate, I was not completely naïve, what caught me off guard was how open people were with their hate. I needed to know why.
That was the first time my rose colored glasses started to slip off. There were other times of course. *insert school shooting here* I saw a glimpse of the truth. This truth. A truth that I think people are getting wrong.
The truth is: we are broken, deeply, systematically, completely fractured.
Not us as Americans, or white people, or black people, or people from India or wherever. There is no exclusion in this wound, it runs through every being on this Earth. We are broke, or energy is broken. We are lost. We have forgotten our power, our love, our values. We have allowed ourselves to stop asking questions. TO STOP THINKING.
I include myself in that “we”. Please never read my writing or listen to me speak and think that I am attempting to preach or teach, I am sharing. I am the point of view I have, the only one, yet we are all connected. We have to allow each other to share. We must connect. It is the only way to heal.
I am at hold responsibility for the pain in this world. Not because of my skin color, my religion, my political beliefs, but because I am human. We are all responsible. The Palestinian genocide of 2023 was the catalyst for a quantum shift in my view of the world and my understanding of my place in it. I am responsible for the pain, so I am responsible for the healing.
That sounds much grander than it is meant to. I am responsible for healing the world, that does not mean I am going to solve the worlds problems. That means I am going to heal myself. I trust that our energetic connection allows for deep personal healing to aid in the healing of those around us. And yes, as grandiose as it is, I truly believe that in doing so I will help to heal the world. You may read that and laugh. It is funny, truly I get it. But another truth of the world I have found: you must DO.
Stagnant energy is the single greatest enemy of human evolution. The desire to find quick fixes, to avoid the hard things, to block out what is painful. It is a human desire to feel good, so why would we not just feel good in the easiest way possible?
Because this human experience on this world is a gift. The universe if infinite, there is possibly a reality where being are inside out and live in extreme pain as acid falls out of the sky onto them. We are in a world where I can sit in a shop on a beautiful street and type about these abstract thoughts and ideas I am having about the interactions I have with the world around me. We get to sleep on fucking clouds compared to how life was 1,000 years ago. At the very least be grateful for the comforts living in this world at this time allows you.
Being lazy -true lazy not what we have been trained to think lazy is- is the biggest mistake you can make. Not experiencing moments as they come and trying to fast forward through the ugly parts is a disservice to the gift of life. Seeing the world for how it truly is, not allowing yourself to deny reality because you have the privilege of that option. Life is hard as fuck and filled with impossibles. Our duty is to make them possible, or at least, triable.
When you accept this, that shit will in fact happen, the weight that is lifted is immeasurable. Accepting that the shit will happen, forces you to also accept that you sill continue moving through the shit. Shit will happen, life will go on. No matter how impossible that may feel. This is the start to finding the peace we are all in search of.
The fall of 2023 showed me the ugly of the world in a way that effected me so greatly I do no see a way I can move forward without honoring the pain I has witnessed and using it to push me to be curious about us, humanity. To be curious about life. To be accepting of the lack of answers I may receive, and allow that to fuel more questions.
The summer of 2023 showed me that I don’t have a choice. I became a mother. I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant that having this baby in the world was going to change everything about life as I knew it, but I had no idea how until she came. Until my body went through the excruciating pain and trauma of childbirth. Until I held her and finally realized that I now am invested in the world. In the future.
Before becoming a mother it was just me. I had my family, my husband, my friends yes, but it was just me. I could stop living and it would be “okay”, the world could cease to exist and I was at peace with that. Once my child entered the world I realized, I now has a stake in the future. I have a being who relies on me for everything, including the chance to grow up in a world and experiences the treasures it has to offer without fear. She deserves that opportunity. Every single child does.
So this war broke out, I was a mom, I was seeing the massacre of people daily and I knew I needed to see it. the only way to keep it in my reality was to see it. It is so tempting to be stagnant. The “out of sight, out of mind” mentality is so tempting, especially if those around you are falling susceptible to it.
The people in my life are some of the most inspiring, kind, and extraordinary in the word. And when I say that I don’t even mean just the people in my immediate circle. I mean I know that the humans that I interact with in my life all have so much value to add to my life, whether that be in a lesson or challenge, or by adding positive energy to my field, they all are special. These special people have been talking a lot about the state of the world. They were speaking about the truth and how important it is to be shared.
And all of the sudden the ego-tic belief that I held, the one that told me because I did finish college, or because I sometimes misspeak, or that I struggle with spelling, or that I can't simply have any influence; that ego-tic belief shattered. I remembered that I am worthy simply because I am. I can be anything I want, I can explore whatever I am passionate about.
I am passionate about people. I am passionate about progression. I am passionate about sharing of ideas. I am passionate about stories of experiences. I am passionate about discussing the things we have learned and questioning why we may have needed that lesson. Philosophy, the love of wisdom. I am passionate about philosophy. I am passionate about writing about my love of wisdom. I am passionate about healing. I passionately believe that by sharing my perspective, my experiences, I will help the world to progress forward.
So here I am, with the most vague “direction” to take my first step forward in my pursuit to find peace, I am elated to think of all the other clues I will find along the way…